The death of my father and the need to comeback
I didn't plan on walking away. It just happened
Hey.
It’s been too long. In the summer of 2022, I took a job. Since then, I have been a video production teacher at the high school where I have been a coach since 2016. It was the best move for my family, and I don’t regret taking it. I didn’t plan on walking away from writing. I ran two Kickstarters after taking the job. I just needed to figure out how to do it. That’s when I signed up for grad school. I’ve been busy. Very busy. But I always meant to come back. I just haven’t.
It’s not like I haven’t gotten ideas or haven’t been thinking about stories. The problem with an overactive imagination is that you can’t turn it off. It’s always working. The problem is that without a direction, that imagination starts spraying uncontrollably. Instead of directing it to fiction, I’ve let it run loose in my personal life. That certainly hasn’t been healthy for me or my relationships. But my heart was in the right place. I’m trying to do what’s best for my family.
I have a book that’s been finished for over a year. I’ve just been waiting. Waiting for the right time to launch a new Kickstarter. That’s what I’ve been telling myself. The truth is, I’ve been afraid to put something out into the open. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ambivalence, fear of apathy. It could be any of those. It could be all of them. Imposter syndrome is the real deal, and it’s something that I battle every day.
Then, on February 27th, my dad died. I wrote about his death, how it impacted me, and the nature of our relationship on the Mike & JD Show Patreon. It’s a free read if you’re interested. I also recorded a short video podcast about me trying to right my mind after.
Writing and talking about my dad helped me clear my head and let go of so much of the baggage I’ve been carrying. I also realized how much I’d been hurting myself by not writing. I don’t need to write to help provide stability for my family. I need it to provide stability for my mind-- for the sake of my mental health. I need to do this to feel whole again.
Someone once asked me how I found the time to write so much, and I answered, “If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way.” I need to get back to that guy. Falling back into good habits is worth it; it just takes a little work, and I want to do the work again. I need it because as I cleaned my father’s apartment, I realized that in the end, all we truly leave behind is a box of stuff and an empty living space. What’s left in that box? That’s all we control.
It’s time to get back in the game. It’s time to leave fear behind and embrace what I am. I’ve been sitting on what I know is the best book I’ve ever written. I need to share it with you.
On May 6th, we will launch the Kickstarter for GAIJIN. It’s the story of an American professional wrestler who goes to Japan and gets sucked into a Yakuza war. I’ll go into further details in the coming weeks.
Today is about apologizing for disappearing and telling you that I’m back. I can’t wait to share this story with you.
J.D.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Sending Love and Light for warmth and comfort and peace in your soul.
I’m glad to see you back. I wish you all the best with the new Kickstarter campaign. 🧡🤗